Was it a coincidence that I had to get to the hospital just a few days before I would do my first performance of the year? This question has been running through my mind several times. Of course, it had to come one day, that's for sure. A thing that might illustrate my condition was the fact that my weight was a mere 53 kilo (116 pound). I thought I was 65 (143 pound). I was seriously underfed, which obviously had a consequence. So yes, it was a matter of time before I would end up in hospital. No doubt about it.

After my initial revalidation process, I gradually regained some strength. At first I couldn't walk for more than 5 minutes without having to rest. Currently I am driving my bicycle almost daily and I make trips of 40 kilometers (25 miles) on average. Takes me two, two and a half hour. While I'm riding, I'm listening to things. Debates, interviews, lectures, audio books. I'm catching up, that's a fact. It wouldn't have happened without me having to change my lifestyle significantly.

Still, I find it hard to simply ignore the timing of everything. 

The Bible says that "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28). Not hard to imagine how can see my hospitalization and subsequent change of lifestyle in this very same context. You see, while I was doing all these musical things I did not have time to actually to an in-depth study of the Book of Books. To examine and deepen my faith, the most important thing in my life.

It begged the question: "What is more important, to entertain people or to grow in knowledge and therefore in fruit?" Asking the question is actually answering it. Sure there is a time and place for everything. A time to rejoice, a time to mourn. A time to be angry, a time to forgive. A time to share, for example my musical productions, and a time to just take and gain, in this case: knowledge and hopefully some more wisdom.

Recently I watched an interview with the very well known hard rock artist Alice Cooper. Turned out he gave his life to Jesus. He said something like: "You know, God said to me, now you've seen enough and now I want you for myself", something to that effect. I can see a bit of a parallel, even though I'm a born again Christian since 1985. Not being part of any Christian Industrial complex, just out there "in the world", as it is called. Performing at places where you average Christian doesn't go, just to share Jah Light. Sharing, giving.

A few days before I would perform, God at least put me out of action. I had nothing more to give.

In hindsight, I can see that this did not came out of nowhere, even though it seemed so at the time. I read updates from before. I think about the enormous fatigues I had while still feeling compelled to "trod on" as the saying goes. Even Christians were more interested in the music than anything else. For me it was no question, even though I did develop a view of myself being the band that plays the music while the Titanic is sinking about 5 years or so ago. No, there was no way for me or others to start realizing I was not the well that never runs dry.

My collapse two years ago changed all of that.

Because it's already two years, I can say that I think I am in a new phase in my life. Having made hundreds of tracks of which 95% are free to download, is that not enough? Do I need to produce more of the same, just for the sake of having a flow? It costs a lot of money, time and health to do so. 

I think the time is there for me to continue studying, learning, deepening my faith and staying reasonable healthy.

Let's keep in touch.

One Love,
Messian Dread

Please consider the writing above as the personal opinion/observation of Messian Dread rather than "Official Dubroom Policy" or something like that. 

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